‹ Back to the LibrarylegendaryPOV 05 · defensibility: highest of the five
An Existence to Justify
The unifying tax — to parents, to recruiters, to the algorithm. The work is to stop paying it.
The throughline across the work-life-family writing: decades performing legibility — to homophobic parents, to corporate HR, to "what a 30-year-old's life looks like." Each domain demands you justify your existence in its terms. Leaving Ali, the sole prop, leaving HK — one decision in seven costumes: refuse the justification economy. This is the spine the other four tomes stand on.
Inscriptions — the highlights that fed it
“HomeAway, a site where hosts offer free lodging and food in exchange for work, typically no more than 4-5 hours per day, in places like farms, restaurants, and hotels. She had found a place that would host her for a couple of months and she was pretty excited about it.”
booksmy note[[essay idea]] wasted potential. One of my fears foor working on my own is that i would waste my potential. Byt why dpn't i trust myself more?: why do i believe that my potential is best developed by someone else?
“As Hong Kong does not recognise same-sex marriages, the two women in the case — who were granted anonymity by the court — were married and underwent RIVF in South Africa.”
articlesmy noteThis and also Korea's lesbian case with IVF. This shows me that privilege paves the way to equality. A second citizenship, a foreign residence status. How do other queers stand a chance?
“A third is that progress happens too slowly to notice, but setbacks happen too quickly to ignore.”
booksmy noteWhen evaluating something (e.g. evaluating parents' homophobia), compare to starting point and not the goal point
“IX. Come out of the closet: don’t be ashamed to do good”
books“Why am I so afraid of disappointing others but so willing to disappoint myself?”
books“The tendency to feel guilty or “bad” when I do what’s right for me? Discard it. Disappointing others is a skill.”
books “Being “good” wasn’t the answer; being honest was. Going with the flow didn’t bring me peace; it left me disconnected from myself. I had to stop asking, Who do they need me to be? and start asking, Who do I want me to be?”
books “I find it offensive to motherhood to call being a mother a job. Being a mother isn’t a job. It’s who someone is. It’s who I am. You can quit a job. I can’t quit being a mother. I’m a mother forever. Mothers are never off the clock, mothers are never on vacation.”
books“The most important job to a woman who has rent, has a car note, has utility bills and needs groceries is one that pays her money to keep her family alive. Let’s stop trying to make ourselves indulge in the crappy mythological lady-cult that makes being a mother seem like work.”
books What this taught me to write — receipts
01An existence to justify for
Beck At It · 25 Mar 2026
I don't know where I'll be in 12 months
Beck At It · 29 Apr 2026
"Go back to sleep"
Beck At It · 27 May 2026
⚷ Unwritten · the next page of this tome
“What I won't justify anymore”
The closer, written before leaving HK. An inventory of the justifications I'm done paying — to parents, recruiters, the algorithm, the conveyor belt, the AI-output treadmill. If it lands, this becomes the anchor link in my bio for the next decade. — drafted from the tome, not yet published.